These Words shared by My Parent That Helped Us when I became a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a larger failure to talk among men, who still absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to request a pause - taking a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - looking after you is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."